My Parenting Style - Only Partially Crunchy!

I like to think of my parenting style as a Pad Thai...crunchy peanut pieces amongst regular rice noodles but a delicious spicy and sweet sauce covering it all. I have some crunchy tendencies, but I would definitely be outcast by those considered "all natural" parents. I think that is true of my life in general: as a vegetarian people expect me to be hippie-ish but I am really far from it. The truth is I am a hybrid! And so is my parenting style!

 Of course I always consult with my husband before making important decisions concerning our children, but he also knows I wouldn't suggest anything without being well informed and researched on the topic.

I love some aspects of attachment parenting. I carry Dominic everywhere in a carrier, I feel like a marsupial. He is so calm when he is close to me so I hold him and keep him close to me as much as I can. Whenever any mammal has a baby the mother keeps the baby close by - I don't believe humans should be any different. I believe in always consoling a crying baby - I do not believe in the "crying it out" method. I don't believe babies are capable of being manipulative, they cry because they are scared, need something or feel lonely. I believe that depriving a baby of your touch and closeness creates a nervous or hopeless child. I want my children to know that whenever they are sad or need me I will be there for them. I will never leave them to cry it out to "teach them to self-soothe". I think nothing is more destructive in breaking the trust between parent and child and destroying a child's self-confidence. Now if Natalie is just fussing or faffing I will let her be, but if she is really upset and crying that is a different story.



I believe in co-sleeping with an infant. I don't personally like the idea of a family bed long-term, but for at least the first 6 months I want my baby close to me and within arms reach at all times. Co-sleeping also makes breastfeeding much easier as I don't have to get out of my bed to feed the baby during the night. I can feed the baby while lying down, and because they are close to me they go straight back to sleep, which means my sleep is only minimally disrupted - everybody wins! Natalie has been in her own bed since she was 6 months old and she loves it in there. It just felt right to move her. We never had issues with her crying in her bed or feeling lonely and she has been sleeping through the night, roughly 12 hours every night, since she was 8 months old.


I believe everybody should try and breastfeed - woman have boobs for a good reason and it has been proven over and over again that nothing is better for a baby than good old FREE breastmilk. I understand some people cannot breastfeed for medical reasons or they panic because they have a rocky start, but I also think people give up too easily. It's a personal choice every mother makes, but I can't help but feel a little bit of sadness for people who choose not to breastfeed. It's so wonderful to have a way to instantly calm a sad or fussy baby, it's a great feeling to know you are sustaining your baby and packing them full of anti-bodies and it provides wonderful bonding time with the baby. Not to mention there are no bottles to prepare or clean and it is free!

I believe in vaccinating my children but I can definitely understand why some people are skeptical about it. However if everyone chose to stop vaccinating we'd have a huge problem on our hands, much like they have in certain African countries, so I think the non-vaccinators are playing a bit on the fact that most people do choose to vaccinate. I do think we overload babies' tiny bodies with too many vaccines at one time so I am happy with my decision to put Dominic on an alternative vaccine schedule with single shots. IF (yes, if) we have another baby some day I will probably do the same thing with that baby.

 
I only use all natural non-chemical shampoos, body lotions, sun block and bug repellents that are also paraben and pthalate free. I think all the hormones and chemicals we put on and in our children are a big factor in why we have girls going through puberty at 7 years old. This is the same reason I only give Natalie milk that is free from artificial growth hormones.

I use disposable diapers (*tut *,*tut*). This is a sore point for me. My husband and I are dedicated recyclers and we try to minimize the amount of waste we put into landfills. I tried to cloth diaper - my experience lasted about 3 days. I just couldn't stand revisiting the poop and having stinky diapers sitting in the house so I'd wash them daily - and they needed to be put through 3 cycles and then took FOREVER to dry. I think I used up more electricity and water in those 3 days than I normally use in 2 weeks. I found it stressful and way too much extra work. So I hung my head in shame and returned to disposable diapers - sorry Earth! And sorry to my babies for putting your butts in all those chemicals :-( I take my hat off to all the mommas who cloth diaper.


 I believe in playful parenting. My friend Sarah is a children's play therapist and she definitely inspired me to look into this style of parenting. It just makes sense that children communicate through play, they heal through play and the best way we can communicate with our children is by playing with them. I found myself yelling at Natalie way more than I would have liked when I was about to have Dominic. I was finding it hard to move around and started getting nervous about having a baby and a toddler - if she didn't listen to me when I had a new baby I may not be able to run after her and I was scared something may happen to her. So I became quite strict about her coming to me when I called her - well she was 18 months old so obviously she ran away when I called her thinking it was a game and I would get mad at her. I quickly realized how sad she became when I would scold her for 'playing' and I felt like I was somehow breaking her beautiful playful spirit. I started reading up about playful parenting and positive discipline and decided to change my approach to disciplining her. I love the idea of teaching her why she shouldn't do things and creating an empathetic human instead of a human with a broken spirit who has been told no or yelled at and has no idea why. I love the idea of communicating with her through play and diffusing tantrums and other negative situations with playfulness. It really works too!

I don't believe in circumcision - it is an outdated practice that has no medical benefit. It is often performed without anesthesia (just sugar water) and takes away a fully functional and very sensitive part of the male anatomy. Even medicare and medicaid have wised up to this now and will not pay for circumcisions to be performed as it is considered purely cosmetic. In 2005 only 37% of boys on the west coast were being circumcised and the numbers keep dropping.

I started off only feeding Natalie organic and natural food, but as she became pickier and pickier I found myself sneaking in boxed mac&cheese and hot dogs. We aim for a balanced diet but unfortunately we can't make her eat what we offer her, so to prevent her starving, some days she eats cheese, apples, hot dogs and fruit snacks. Some days she is a lot healthier and will eat what we give her. It's hit and miss but the last thing I want to do is to force her to eat anything and cause long-term food issues. I give her candy, cake and chocolate in moderation but I do limit her intake of unnatural foods and food coloring. Aspartame is a big no-no in our home. On a day to day basis we we only give her water and milk to drink, but from time to time she gets to sip some soda or fruit juice. I think balance is important.

We face new challenges with every phase that Natalie goes through and we are learning as we go and constantly changing how we deal with things. Dominic is still so young but I want to do all I can to make sure he also grows up well-rounded and happy! Natalie is just such a sociable, friendly and fun child and one thing I know is that I don't want to do anything to change that. I want to encourage her to play and be happy, I never want to break that beautiful spirit of hers.